Pukul 2.11 pagi.

Seawal pagi begini ketika kebanyakan orang lena dalam tidur, pak cik tukang sapu itu sudah memulaikan tugas mengejar sampah sarap yang ditinggalkan manusia pada malam hari sebelumnya. Aku menjengah ke luar kereta sedikit. Beliau bertopi, sambil membawa guni yang berisi sampah serta penyapu.

Seekor anjing yang sedang berbaring dan setia di situ pada jarak 17 meter dariku, menyalak malas ketika pak cik tersebut lalu di hadapannya. Sekadar menyalak malas, namun tidak pula mengejar. Pak cik itu pun tidak mempedulikan anjing tersebut dan terus berlalu kepada sampah-sampah yang bertaburan.

Dan aku? Masih di dalam kereta memikirkan nasib dan takdir pada esok hari.

There one day, you will feel that you are so hopeless in this world. You will even asked what I’m doing here? You never asked to born in this world. Why God sent me to this world if He can’t make me to be someone that happy in life? At some point, what you want is not to be a millionaire. But you want a life that happiness is the main thing to achieve. Wealth is not main reason to live happy, though.

A moment when you feel there is no one for you. Like everyone avoiding you because you are nothing in their eyes. Not to mention, the people who take you for granted. You are somehow a friend to them if they just need you for something, then when they got what they want or found what they need, they will leave you without saying goodbye. And the worst, they erase you from their life.

When you felt so weak because you are not so called a succesful person like others. When you felt that your own family look down on you. You know what? Every single person in this world can talk bad about yourself, but you will not care to hear it because it doesn’t give you any impact. But when your own family and relatives talks behind your back, you will felt that your heart broken.

Hard, isn’t? You tried very hard trying to stay strong for everyone around you, especially for yourself, with a fake smile on your face that quickly changed into deep sadness in your heart when you’re alone. You are trying hard to stay positive as much as you can. But your situation is pulling you apart every seconds. I know it’s tough trying to kill something that’s on the inside, that eats you alive, and killing you slowly. And you know what? There’s nothing you can do about it.

No matter how hard you try.. I know it isn’t easy.